I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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