I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
