i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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