it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
