Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
ttyl tear gas
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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