i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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