dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How does one acquire holy water?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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