We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
