Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
