if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
