There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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