I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
