I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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