Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
