Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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