I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
