Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
