Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
