It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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