you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
