i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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