so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
