Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
