Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
