The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
