Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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