I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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