just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She told me I should be a condom model.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
