like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
