I need to stop coming to work sober
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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