we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
