You're my little dorito
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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