I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
