Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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