I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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