are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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