Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
