That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
