this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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