I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
