I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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