Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
