I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
