this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
