the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
God, I missed his penis.
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