I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
