Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
