I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
