omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
