Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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