And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
