He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
