The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He felt like a one man threesome
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
