So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
